Situationship (noun): romantic involvement between two people which include, but not limited to, frequent dating, house visits, (possible) parent meeting, (possible) friend sharing, sex...lots of sex, and the catching of feelings by at least one person. However, there are absolutely NO titles established in this union. No rules, no regulations, no responsibility, NO BOUNDARIES!
*NOTE*: In a situationship, you will never ever be posted on each other's social media...ever.
So now that we've gotten that out of the way, I'll go ahead and school you on the dangers of being in a "situationship" and how to avoid it. Now, please remember that those types of relationships are never one sided. There's always the one that wants to have an establishment and the one who wants to avoid it at all costs and both end up feeling bad in the end...for the most part at least. And how do I know? Well chile, it's because I've been on BOTH sides of that fence...and it's no fun when it's all said and done.....
All Right, for the "hopeful, one day soon he or she will be mine" person:
The first time I fell in love, I was 100% in a situationship. I was 16, completely naive, and my nose was wide open. He could have tried to sell me air and I would have paid the strength for it. We talked on the phone every night, talked at school every day, you know back then this was enough to give your heart away so I did! I loved him! I was sure of it...and all I wanted was for him to be mine. But I'll never forget when I brought it up, he said to me that he didn't want to rush into a relationship with anyone. FIRST WARNING SIGN. I was disappointed but I was so head over heels that I was willing to accept whatever he gave me. I ended up giving A LOT of myself to him...y'all catch the subliminal message? Lol and needless to say he ended up breaking my poor little heart and it took me a while to bounce back.
Now, I know that I was very young when I experienced this, but the lesson has stuck with me throughout my life. If you happen to be the hopeless romantic like I was, here's what you should do:
1. BE VOCAL when the time is right. Now don't be weird with it and too aggressive, just simply state that you feel that at this point, there should be something established.
2. DO NOT SETTLE for anything less than what you want. If they say that they don't want to rush and you feel that there has been more than enough time invested, then you simply part ways. What you want should always come first. If you begin to put the desires of others in front of your own, you'll always find yourself on the back burner...only to realize that you did that to yourself.
3. BE CONFIDENT in your decision. I'm sure you like that person, maybe even love that person. But if he or she doesn't want to be exclusive with you, then obviously the feeling isn't reciprocated. Who wants to be in that type of relationship anyways? Know that you did the right thing.
4. BE CONTENT with the state that you are in after the fact. You are going to feel hurt and disappointed...but by no means should you feel discouraged. Eventually, the right one will come along! Unfortunately that's just how the game works...no one is obligated to feel a certain way about you just because you feel that way about them. It sounds harsh...but it actually helps to remember that when you are trying to forgive that person.
Okay, now let's get into the "we're just having fun, they know what it is, right?" person:
After my last relationship, 2 years ago, I decided that I would stay away from serious relationships. I said to myself, I'm going to chill, have fun, and just enjoy being single. I ended up meeting a guy about a year later, and we did EVERYTHING together. I mean I was really having a blast. I was over his house a lot, kicked it with the fam, played with the dogs, frequently went out on dates...and I kept saying to myself that we were just having fun. To anyone that asked we "had an understanding" and I really had no intention of becoming exclusive with this guy. Before you all chastise me, know that the entire time I had a sense of guilt because I knew he wanted much more than I was willing to give. And rightfully so. He had invested a lot of himself into me and for about 9 months I allowed him to do so knowing full well that it was going nowhere. Eventually, I couldn't live with myself so I ended the whole affair. I knew it would hurt his feelings, but it was killing me to fathom carrying on as if I felt the same. I thought back on where I was at 16 and had to break the news. Now let me say this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be free and truly enjoy the single life, IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. But you have to be mindful of how you conduct your flings. So here are some tips for you thrill-seeking heartbreakers:
1. CHOOSE WISELY when looking for someone to have fun with. If you have the feeling that that person may catch feelings when you don't want them to, then roll with that feeling and save that person the trouble. Ask them questions to see where they stand as far as relationships go and make your decision based on that.
2. PACE YOURSELF when hanging out with someone. You have to be mindful not to spend TOO much time with them. Because while you may never say that you want to be in a relationship, your actions would suggest otherwise.
3. PAY ATTENTION to your "fun friend". If they start throwing hints at wanting more or becoming a little more clingy than usual, then you need to know that it's time for you to pull away. It's cold-blooded for sure, but you gotta do what ya gotta do!
4. BE HONEST out of the gate. Let that person know that you have no plans of becoming serious, that way you give them a fair chance to decide whether or not they want to kick it with you.
5. STAY TRUE to what you want. If you decided that you will stay relationship free, then do that and let your actions show it! Basically, prepare yourself for a dry phone, the feeling of loneliness sometimes, and the boredom attacks. Those are the reasons many of us "wild and free" folk get into situationships. We blame it all on boredom and wanting something or someone to do (lol)...but that should have been expected so its NO LONGER AN EXCUSE.
Even with all of this exclusive advice (lol), the truth is that you just might find yourself in a "situationship" with someone at some point in your life. If it does happen, DO NOT let it linger. You will only end up hurting yourself or someone else. People forget that, even while just dating casually, you still have to consider the feelings of others AND yourself! I know in both of my experiences they all ended with me looking in the mirror, shaking my head, and whispering to myself that "I ain't S**T" because I should have known better. Ya'll know the feeling!! But anywho, you live, you learn, and you grow.
With Love
~A.C.