I find it crazy that many of us share similar stories but are so judgmental of the next woman. For whatever reason, the Black woman does not want another of her same kind to be GREAT. I'm not sure how we can end that...but the time is now.
In my 24 years on this earth, I have experienced first hand how detrimental our behavior is to our livelihood. We fight so much that we forget to show love to one another...we have managed to drown ourselves in an ocean of hate and envy. We are all battling for air, for light...but I guess if we're all on the same level of disparity, then everybody's happy....right?
Black women are hesitant to compliment the next sister not because she's undeserving, but because they don't want to "boost her head up" or they don't want to "look like that girl". JUST WHO IS THAT GIRL? To me she seems like a woman who appreciates another sister for being above average, because she knows that exemplary women are few and far in between. To me, she seems like a woman who is confident within herself and knows that a confidence booster, no matter how it's received, is a valuable thing to give. Who wouldn't want to be "that girl"?
We have gotten so caught up in this competitive mentality that we try to set ourselves apart from everything. Whether it's good, bad, or indifferent the story is always "Yeah, she did that...but I did it better." I have heard women BASH another woman for keeping her baby for the third time and brag on how they got an abortion the time they got pregnant. It's like okay, I guess you didn't have premarital sex when it happened to you either?? GET OUT OF HERE! If anything that is a time to be supportive. It's a time to encourage and commend someone for having the strength to do something you were fearful to do. But we're content with allowing her to feel the shame and guilt all alone, because "she obviously makes bad choices."
And please don't be attractive and have a promising future. There are women that are waiting for the opportunity to tear you down. It's like they're saying "How dare the Lord bless her with good looks and a beautiful mind, there has got to be something wrong." There are some women that HATE to see a woman be a reflection of something they don't see when they look in the mirror. In a world where twerking and showing everything but your inner labia is common, you would think that we all rejoice when we see a woman actually WORTH VIEWING. But nope. They can't be humble and admit that they admire someone, they can't thank the sister for being an inspiration. Oh no, honey. Instead, they're trying to find their way into her closet to get every last bone and speck of dust out for the world to see. Does it physically hurt to celebrate someone? Do you gag at the thought of showing up to a party that may not always be for you?
From my personal experiences, I have learned the importance of being there for a sister because there were some that were there for me. There were women and girls in my life who thought highly of me and expressed it and it's because of people like them that I have confidence. It's because of women like them that I, too, can show love to another woman. Not because we're besties or related...but because she's African American, like me. It's because I can probably assume without talking to her that she's had some struggles. She's probably experienced family issues, funds being low, and being disrespected. She's probably dealt with bodily issues, pain, heartbreak, and betrayal. She's probably gotten way outside of her character once or twice in her life...but she'll never have to confess to either because I can relate; the color of our skin alone speaks volumes.
If we chose to uplift instead of tearing down, we could be invincible. Just like when the Power Rangers joined forces, the enemy knew that defeat was fast approaching. Try this for an exercise: the next time you see a sister or even a picture that you are in awe of....give a compliment. You never know when a sister could really use some kind words. You know first hand what it feels like to hide behind a smile when you wanted to cry. You have to assume that there is another woman out there going through the same thing. We are front line soldiers....but the war shouldn't be with one another. We are killing each other everyday mentally and spiritually...but it's time that we speak life into one another. Let's reclaim our worth. It starts within us. BE A SISTER.