If you follow me on Instagram, then you probably saw me post about an article entitled "18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating" by Christopher Hudspeth. The title is self explanatory, but to sum it up for you, he touched on the things that you really don't have time for while dating, but should anticipate anyway because our society is so messed up. Pretty much. (You all should check it out! http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2014/04/18-ugly-truths-about-modern-dating-that-you-have-to-deal-with/#wEdjTot252llguM7.01 )
That particular article inspired this post because it was all so true! However, it doesn't have to be for everyone! There are ways to possibly avoid all the unnecessary while dating and I am here to school you! Oh and don't worry, you can thank me later.
The very first ugly truth Hudspeth listed read, "The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who's more interested." I can attest to that because I have played that game to the DEATH before! You know, you meet a guy and you really feel him...but you REFUSE to show it. I mean you bite your nails to keep from dialing his number. You wait like 30 minutes before you reply to a text because you want to look busy...when really all you're doing is watching the clock before you text back. You even turn down a date once or twice because you don't want to seem too available. All the while you're hoping and praying that he likes you as much as you like him...it's possibly the most absurd phenomenon in the history of the world.
How and why would you expect someone to like you if you're not doing anything to suggest that you feel the same?! As I've gotten older, I've decided to make it a point to let a guy know if I'm feeling him or not. MEN NEED REASSURANCE LADIES, more than we do if you ask me. If he approaches you, then that should send a signal to your brain that he is interested in you. Now, exactly WHAT he's interested in, you won't know yet, but that's why you have to be clear with your intentions. It's perfectly fine to show someone that you are interested...just as long as you're not being creepy (I gots no love for the creepers). Now, I hate to reference the booty warrior but the man is profound..."I likes ya and I wants ya." That is a quote that I live by. Of course, I don't repeat that phrase verbatim, but in a super charming, sexy way *wink*, I will tell a man that I am, in fact, interested. Now when I say "tell", don't think I'm out here giving speeches to guys...I just simply communicate that with my actions. I'm going to text back promptly and agree to go on a couple dates, some of them can even be sporadic...because I want it to be obvious that I'm willing to make TIME for him. If I give you my time, I give you my attention....now what are you gonna do with it? Moving on...
I feel as if the first ties directly in with the 9th ugly truth which is "Some poeple just want to hookup and if you're seeking more than sex, they won't tell you that they're the wrong person for you. At least not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn't mandatory." I stated before how important it is to be honest in the beginning. Your truth should not vary depending on your desires of a person. If you want to pursuit a courtship, show it and let it be known! And if you just want some booty, well, by all means ANNOUNCE IT! There's no point in beating around the bush (no pun intended...well not that much :-) It doesn't make you a bad person to only be interested in a physical relationship...it's like that sometimes. However, your character becomes questionable when you lie about it. Like seriously, don't tell someone you want to be with them and make time for them but you "just have a lot going on", but yet all of your troubles seem to disappear when you're about to get some! What happened to your weary mind then?! You can't take them on a date, but you can drive for miles all in the name of a booty quest?? Something just doesn't add up! Don't be that person...just politely call them up and say "Hey, I think your mind is pretty cool, but your body is far more enticing, may I tap that...please?"....HA! I'm kidding...definitely don't say that. However, be clear that you aren't looking for anything serious. And for the people who encounter the ones who aren't so truthful...just beware of the signs. People will be misleading, it's a fact, but you are responsible for knowing whether or not you should put out. You can't play the victim always. You've been coming to his house for months and haven't even met the dog....girl....
The last ugly truth I'm going to discuss is probably the most factual and hideous one of all "You aren't likely to see much of someone's genuine, unfiltered self until you're in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they're too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced." Do you know how many times I've been on a date and said a curse word and acted like it slipped?? "Oh, I'm sorry excuse my French..." my French?? FAKE! I curse...in English, and while it's not the most lady like thing in the world, it's something that I have mastered and enjoy (lol). YES, DAMNIT I USE PROFANITY! (Hey, It's better than posting twerk videos or stripping *shrug*). I've just decided that I won't hold back on a date because I'm afraid that he'll think I belong on a VH1 realtiy show. He needs to see that side of me so he can make a fair decision. Now, I've not met anyone who has admitted to being turned off by a woman that uses profane language, but there may be some out there and you don't want to give him any surprises. That goes with EVERYTHING! Be who you are 100%, raw and uncut from DAY ONE! You don't want to give any false impressions of who you are as a person. Because all you'll be doing is having someone fall for a lie. Think about it, if you were being yourself, uninhibited, then you could better determine who likes you, FOR YOU! It makes no sense to talk to someone for months, catch feelings, and THEN you see who they really are. At that point you realize you hate them, you cheat on them, but you're stuck because you've invested too much already. It's the most notorious waste of time. Just be honest about where you are in life, your real goals, your real take on relationships,education, religion and everything else that contributes to who you are. Tell a joke or admit that you're not funny if that's the case! IT. IS. OKAY. You have to be confident in yourself and know that SOMEONE is going to like it, love it, and want it forever. And if you happen to be having chicken wings with a delicious sauce for dinner while on a date, go ahead and lick your fingers mid convo! You know it's better that way! And when he asks can you cook, you tell him "I do what I can..." unless of course you can really cook....then you just continue to be great girlfriend!
Be sure to click the link to check out the article and let me know what you think about it! In fact, tell me about some personal experiences you've had with an ugly truth! Remember, be clear, be honest, BE YOU!
CLASS DISMISSED
~A.C.