You start over thinking all occurrences and playing out every possible scenario in hopes that you are preparing yourself for success and avoiding any possible failure. While you may have convinced yourself that you're doing what's right by over analyzing...you are actually causing much more harm than good. I know first hand because I've been there before....I am there right now.
When things don't go the way we plan, we second guess EVERY. SINGLE. THING. Things that we were so certain about once before, all of a sudden become blurry and you look for ways to try to "enhance" whatever aspect it is. Lately for me it's been my career and my love life (go figure lol)...and of course I'll go into detail for you all...because I loves ya! So....
CAREER WOES AND TRIUMPHS
If you know me, then you know that it is my dream to become a broadcast journalist. I think I've mentioned it on here before. I would love to work for E News or something like that...ya know, interview the celebs, frequent the red carpet...yep, that's what I've always seen myself doing...in my mind. But when I open my eyes, my reality is no where near close to the vision that I've been having since a teenager. Even though I've accomplished things and have gotten close to my dream before, nothing has truly come into fruition for me. I was actually on national tv for one day of my life and I swear it was THE MOST FULFILLING EXPERIENCE.
I remember feeling like everything all made sense..."THIS is what I'm here for, I have arrived". I was doing what I love and the entire nation got to witness it. But that was almost 2 years ago now and I'll admit that what used to make sense to me, all of a sudden lacked all clarity. So, to try to become clear on my life and aspirations once again...I began to question myself and I decided that I would chase money instead of passion...because it's much easier to attain a check than genuine happiness. For a second, I gave up. I've worked all kinds of jobs and have definitely made money (not a whole lot though lol) and I can honestly say that, still, I was lost. My sense of accomplishment ONLY came every other Friday....every two weeks I'm reminded as to why I'm slaving daily...and I've made myself think that it's okay. And it's NOT! So I had to pray...I asked God to lead and guide me and show me what it really is that I'm put here to do.
To make a long story short...God made it clear to me that I am a story teller. My sense of purpose is at its strongest when I am communicating with someone and something good comes of it. There is a tingle that I get in my body when I'm doing what I truly love. Now, being a broadcaster would allow me to tell stories on a much grander scale (and God's plans are always grand)...but thankfully I don't have to wait until then. God spoke and said tell your story and use what you already have to do it. So here I am..and what do you know, I feel as if I'm moving again. No amount of money can compare to the feeling I get when I get confirmation that me simply being open and sharing helped someone. That's purpose. That's what it's like to feel like you're going places even though your surroundings say otherwise.
You have to look at your dream from another perspective....but don't give up on it!! I REPEAT DO NOT GIVE UP ON IT!! If I waited on ONLY being on television then I would be poor...financially and in spirit. Recently I heard life coach and author, Tony Gaskins speak and he said something that spoke to my spirit...."You have to learn to balance the dream and the job." Of course we all want to be able to sustain ourselves and we must work to live....but until your dream BECOMES your job you have to make time for both. Otherwise...you'll be stuck..and all you'll have to show for your life is check stubs and receipts. He said if you do what you're passionate about, the money WILL come so you shouldn't worry...so I'm not going to worry anymore and YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER. Whatever your dream is, whatever it is that you see that others can't....go ahead and start working towards it.
My downfall was that I was looking at the finish line and not considering how I could run the race...but God has his way of keeping you still so that you can look at life through the spirit instead of your carnal eyes. It was then and only then that I was able to see that the seed God planted in me to want to be on television is by no mistake. You see, he'll sow things in you and it's up to you to learn how to properly cultivate it. There may be times when you venture away from it, there'll be times when you feel you're out of your league....but you have to realize it's YOUR DREAM FOR A REASON. Try not to over analyze it or beat yourself up for not being where you think you should be....the truth is you're right where you're supposed to be. And if anyone asks you what it is that you do for a living...say with ALL the pride that you are a Gardener...because you're in the process of growing something amazing.
I hope this has helped someone who feels inadequate because of your career situation....just change your outlook and know that salary or status is not a direct reflection of the passion within you. Get back to what you love and what you love will eventually become what you live.
Be Blessed
~A.C.
(Be on the look out for part 2 when I discuss relationships...or lack there of)